Life or Death

I'm still at work. The jury is still at work also. I know this because of the Times Dispatch trial blog. It's been updated throughout the day every day of the trial. I keep coming back over to the computer and refreshing that page, waiting to see if Ricky Gray will live or die. It's very weird...I click on the refresh button and then have a few seconds to try and prepare, guess, hope, before the page reappears. Still the same--they came out and asked some questions and went back in. Why isn't it quick like the guilty verdict?! What is there to hash out?! I wonder who the 12 are and wish I could whisper in the ears of whomever may be thinking about a life sentence : take his life, take his life away for those of us who can't. He didn't just take the lives of Bryan, Kathryn, Stella and Ruby, he took pieces of all of us, he stabbed us all in the heart. I don't want him to breathe the same air as I do, I don't want him to ever feel the rain, hear the thunder, see the lightening, see the moon or stars, the sun shine, the taste of water to pass his lips. He has no rights. He has nothing inside. He and the other monster have robbed all of us.

A Sampling of Thoughts That Run Thru My Mind During the Day

Another day, another dollar... I wish I'd stop humming The Girl From Ipanema... What should we do this weekend...How will I ever pay off all my debts...I wish she would just shut up for a while...I'm hungry but there's nothing to eat here...I wonder how my mother is doing, I'm too much of a little pussy to find out...I'm scared...if you're allergic to peanuts, you should ask if something has peanuts in it before you shove it in your piehole...God, I love zip loc bags!...why are people so stupid sometimes...what would I be doing if I were at home right now instead of at work...ow, I bit the inside of my cheek, I hate that...why am I so stupid sometimes...why are my friends dead...why did those two monsters do what they did...I would like to execute them myself...I think I could live with that, easily...next week is gonna be hard, I don't know how to be prepared. I wish I could build a protective coating over my heart and my brain...I shouldn't have eaten that cereal for breakfast...I feel sick...I don't know where I fall in the world...why are there people who want to blow up jet airplanes...I want to teach you a lesson...she shouldn't have had that baby if she wanted to continue to live like a single drunky girl...how many kids get no love...I love the beagles...I love my friends...I wish I could put my arms around all of them...